Toddlers, Trust and Teens

I believe how we interact with toddlers is how they will act with others when they begin puberty and in their teens.

If we practice awareness with toddlers we can create an effective foundation for puberty and teen years.  We have to teach them that they can trust us, without distraction or putting off, or hiding our emotions from them.  One of the biggest issues teens have is that they can’t trust their parents to understand or not get mad, they have lost trust with their parents.

We tell toddlers a lot of lies.  It is a cultural norm and can bring joy, like Santa or the tooth fairy, yet it is devastating for many kids and can cause feelings of pain and betrayal when they find out the truth, and any other things we tell our kids because we think they won’t understand or its too painful in the moment. 

This is normal especially if the parent is in distress and is dealing with their own nervous system responses.

And we can hold space for the opportunity to revisit and process with our children.  If we continue to not process or digest stresses or traumas, they will remain in the nervous system of you and your child.  Then will show up during times of stress or life transitions, like puberty.

When we continue to not express or acknowledge pains and traumas we create a back up of emotions and when another stress or trauma appears those past wounds will show up again.  We probably won’t remember or know what is going on exactly, and we will think that we are crazy or sick and fight with our families, and be unhappy for a while.  Which then creates more pathways of stress in the nervous system needing to be acknowledged and integrated.

Craniosacral is a great way to help the nervous system create space, integrate and be repaired so that these past pains won’t return. And we can deal with the next stress in a more embodied and aware way.

So how do we do this.

We make a promise to our selves that we will create a time where we can spend time with our children talking about how we are feeling, and tell stories of times when you were in pain, and how you dealt with it, when you were scared, confused, shamed, happy, alive, totally in the zone, truly helped someone, made friends, were brave, in pain, etc. 

Be honest, you don’t have to tell all the details if that doesn’t feel right to you, you know best. Even if you haven’t figured out how to fully understand how things happen or how to heal them you can be honest about how it was for you. 

By modeling this you can create a foundation of speaking about painful or difficult things which may diminish the times when words are not available to describe how they are feeling and it will be a tantrum or outburst or fight.

I believe how we deal with tantrums will help with teen outburst and fighting.  I do believe that outburst and fighting are a natural process of teens, however I believe we can create a framework for this time period to be more supported and less stressful.